Domestic Violence

Today I want to talk to you guys about a major problem in our society. Domestic violence. I wanted to talk about this because of a recent event that happened to someone that I follow on Twitter. As far as I'm concerned domestic violence is an unacknowledged epidemic in America. One report estimates that 2.5 million females will suffer some form of domestic violence each year. Unfortunately 2 out of 3 of those women will be attacked by a family member or an acquaintance. Below, I have listed some statistics about domestic violence...

• Six in every 10 women who are victims of homicide were murdered by someone they knew. About half of these women were murdered by a spouse or someone with whom they had been intimate.
  
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44.
  
• Every 21 days, a woman is killed by domestic violence.
  
• Children are involved in 60 percent of domestic violence cases.
  
• More than three million children witness acts of domestic violence each year.
  
• Up to 50 percent of all homeless women and children in this country are fleeing domestic violence.
  
• One in ten calls made to alert police of domestic violence is placed by a child in the home.
  
• More than 53 percent of male abusers beat their children.
  
• One of every three abused children becomes an adult abuser or victim.
  
• Victims and abusers are found in every social and economic class, race, religious group, and sexual orientation.
  
• Factors such as poverty, single-parent households headed by women, and parents with less than a high school education were found to be more common among families suffering abuse.

Unfortunately when I was growing up I was a witness to domestic violence. I can remember my mother and my father going at it once or twice. Thankfully it never got to serious, mainly because my mother was not having it and was quick either call someone from the family that she trusted to help or she called the cops. Unfortunately many women either do not have the support system or the strength to call the police and say "I am not having it!" To those women I say, to please find the courage before you become a statistic! If you know someone in this situation please do something about it! Have the courage to intervene for that person you might be the only chance she has. Yesterday I was out and about in Downtown Phoenix. I noticed a couple arguing in the middle of the street. The guy was pulling around very violently what appeared to be his wife/girlfriend. They were dressed in dirty clothes it was obvious they were homeless or possible drug addicts. I decided to call the police and made them aware of the situation. Now some people might say they were probably some "crack heads." However to me what they looked like was irrelevant. She was a human being. There are always two sides to every coin. There is even a more unacknowledged area about domestic violence and that is domestic violence against men. Men are more likely than women to be victims in dating violence. A recent 32-nation study by the University of New Hampshire found female students initiate partner violence as often as male students. Virtually all sociological data shows women initiate domestic violence as often as men, that women use weapons more than men, and that 38% of injured victims are men. California State University Professor Martin Fiebert summarizes almost 200 of these studies online. Some might argue that women suffer more severe injuries than men. Regardless of the consequences violence from either Male or Female is unacceptable. Domestic violence against men needs to be addressed as well. According to a California State University survey of 1,000 college women 30% admitted they assaulted a male partner. The most common reasons were (1) My partner wasn't listening to me; (2) My partner wasn't being sensitive to my needs; and (3) I wished to gain my partners attention. Violence will only get you the wrong attention. A University of Pennsylvania emergency room report found that 13% of men reported being assaulted by a female partner in the previous 12 months, of which 50% were choked, kicked, bitten, punched or had an object thrown at them, 37% involved a weapon, 14% required medical attention. Keep in mind that these statistics are only the reported cases. Many cases go unreported because men are embarrassed. Both Men and Women tend to think of domestic violence as a "personal matter" not a "crime. It most definitely is a CRIME! Guys, you have rights as well. Unfortunately This problem is not limited just to adults who might be married or dating. It is also affecting teens. Below I have included the statistics for teen domestic violence and they are sad...

One in 10 teen girls and one in 11 teen boys admits to having experienced physical violence in a dating relationship in the past year. One in three teens stay they know someone who has been physically assaulted or hurt by a dating partner.

One in five tweens ages 13 and 14 who have been in a relationship say that they know someone who has been hit in anger by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

One in five teens admits to being emotionally abused in the past year.

Among 11- to 14-year-olds who have been in relationships, 62% of them know friends who have been verbally abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Approximately one in five teen girls have been physically or sexually abused by their partner.

70% of teen girls who have been sexually assaulted knew their attacker. The attacker was a friend, boyfriend or casual acquaintance.

More than half of girls surveyed reported mutual aggression in their relationship – meaning that both she and her partner were physically aggressive toward each other.

We need to educate our children early so that these statistics are a thing of the past! Violence at any age is unacceptable! Here are some effects of domestic violence on children...

academic problems; agitation - feeling "jumpy"; aggression; avoidance of reminders; behavior problems; clinginess to caregivers; depression; distractibility; emotional numbing; emotional changes; fear - feeling scared; fear of natural exploring; feelings of guilt; feelings of not belonging; flashbacks; general emotional distress; increased arousal; intrusive thoughts; insomnia; irritability; low levels of empathy; low self-esteem; nightmares; numbing of feelings; obsessive behaviors; phobias; poor problem-solving skills; posttraumatic stress disorder; revenge seeking; social problems; suicidal behaviors; truancy; withdrawal from activities.

Effects in Adulthood: alcohol abuse; depression; low self-esteem; violent practices in the home; criminal behavior; sexual problems; substance abuse.

INFANTS AND TODDLERS: Infants and toddlers who witness violence show excessive irritability, immature behavior, sleep disturbances, emotional distress, fears of being alone, and regression in toileting and language. Preschool children may develop enuresis and speech disfluencies, such as stuttering.

TEENS: Being a teenager is difficult, as most of us remember. But being a teenager and living in a house infected with domestic violence can have devastating, life-long effects. Teens living with domestic violence face the unique problem of trying to fit in with their peers while keeping their home life a secret. Teens in shelters often face the problem of having to move and begin school in a new place, having to make new friends while feeling the shame of living in a shelter. Needless to say, their family relationships can be strained to the breaking point. The result can be teens who never learn to form trusting, lasting relationships, or teens who end up in violent relationships themselves.

In addition, teens face the same issues as younger children in an abusive family, namely feeling lonely and isolated, growing up too fast, behavior problems, stress related medical and mental health problems, and school problems. Teenagers are also faced with entering into the dating world for the first time. They are formulating their own theories about relationships, and some may not have the best models on which to base a healthy relationship. They have witnessed the cycle of violence with the abuse, apologies from the perpetrator, tensions building and more abuse. Unfortunately, some teenagers may be faced with a higher risk of being victims of dating violence and as mentioned earlier, ending up in violent relationships as adults either as victims or abusers.

As you can see this is a major problem in our society across the board. This is not a gender, race or age specific problem. Please if you know any teen or adult Male or Female in this situation help them before it's too late! I hope this has been helpful. Below I have listed a few places that can help you or someone you know during these hard times.

http://www.ndvh.org/ This is the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The website has a number of ways to educate you about domestic violence. 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7. (For both Men and Women)
http://www.loveisrespect.org/ this is a teen specific website. This website also has a lot of information to help you out. 1-866-331-9474 1-866-331-8453 TTY